The Words

of the POETS are written on the subway walls. And pillars.

Lil' sis' words were finally installed.

Manly Bike

Via Sara comes this Craigslist posting.

Manly Bike for Sale

Date: 2008-07-22, 10:18AM PDT


Bike for sale


What kind of bike? I don't know, I'm not a bike scientist. What I am though is a manly guy looking to sell his bike. This bike is made out of metal and kick ass spokes. The back reflector was taken off, but if you think that deters me from riding at night, you're way wrong. I practiced ninja training in Japan's mount Fuji for 5 years and the first rule they teach about ninja biking is that back reflectors let the enemy know where you are. Not having a rear reflector is like saying "FUCK YOU CAR, JUST TRY AND FIND ME".



The bike says Giant on the side because it's referring to my junk, but rest assured even if you have tiny junk that Giant advertisement is going to remain right where it is. I bought this bike for 300 dollars from a retired mercenary that fought in both World War 1 and World War 2 and had his right arm bitten off by a shark in the Phillipines while stationed there as a shark handler. When he sold it to me I had to arm wrestle him for the honor to buy it. I broke his arm in 7 places when I did. He was so impressed with me he offered me to be his son but I thought that was sissy shit so I said no way.



The bike has some rusted screws, but that just shows how much of a bad ass you are. Everyone knows rusted screws on a bike means that you probably drove it underwater and that's bad ass in itself. Those screws can be replaced with shiny new ones, but if you're going to go to that trouble why not just punch yourself in the balls since you're probably a dickless lizard who doesn't like to look intimidating.



The bike is for men because the seat is flat or some shit and not shaped like a dildo. If you like flat seated bikes you're going to love this thing because it doesn't try to penetrate your ass or anything.



I've topped out at 75 miles per hour on this uphill but if you're just a regular man you'll probably top it out at 10 miles per hour. This thing is listed as a street bike which is man-code for bike tank. The bike has 7 speeds in total:


Gear 1 - Sissy Gear
Gear 2 - Less Sissy Gear
Gear 3 - Least Sissy Gear
Gear 4 - Boy Gear
Gear 5 - Pre-teen Boy Gear
Gear 6 - Manly Gear
Gear 7 - Big Muscles Gear

I only like gear 6 and 7 to be honest.


Additionally, this tool of all immense men comes with a gigantic lock to keep it secure. The lock is the size of a bull's testicles and tells people you don't fuck around with locking up your bike tank. It tells would-be-thieves "Hey asshole, touch this bike and I'll appear from the bushes ready to club you with a two-by-four".


Bike is for 150 OBO (and don't give me no panzy prices)

SRV

This one gives me chills every. single. time.

J. J. Johnson

J. J. Johnson was one of, if not the greatest jazz trombonists. As Dizzy and Bird were pioneering Be Bop, Johnson was one of just a handful of trombonists who were up to the task.



There don't seem to be many older videos of J. J. out there that give a glimpse of his virtuosity, but there are quite a few more melodic performances that do showcase his incredible tone.

So Strange...

The things that happen when I leave my Macbook Pro unattended...

Need Water?

This wiki-how can help. Don't forget to calibrate...

Mercy, Mercy, Mercy...

Here at work, even earlier than usual, cleaning up someone else's mess, I thought I would share the music that is keeping me from going crazy.

"Mercy, Mercy, Mercy" by Joe Zawinul, from Cannonball Adderley's Mercy, Mercy, Mercy! Live at 'The Club'.



Cannonball Adderley: Alto saxophone
Nat Adderley: Cornet
Joe Zawinul: Electric Piano
Victor Gaskin: Bass
Roy McCurdy: Drums


**Update** I've swapped out the version I had imbedded before with a better sounding (and complete) copy.

Kid Dakota

You may know that my favorite local band, and one of my favorite bands in general is Kid Dakota. The first time I saw Kid Dakota I was blown away. I had no idea that a two piece could sound so huge. And, they aren't just loud, they are incredibly musical. So many bands seem to have two volumes, loud, and louder. Kid Dakota performs with a great sense of dynamics, and a wonderful overall musicality. Darren Jackson and Ian Prince seem to be joined at the rhythmic hip. Every note is delivered with Rolex precision.

Krista and I saw the premiere of this Wes Anderson-esque video last March at their CD release party at the Turf Club. Favorite band, favorite bar... awesome.



The entire performance was wonderful, but two songs actually gave me chills (or as Pat calls them, sprinkles).


The other was Winterkill.

OMG! Curtis Fuller!

Moanin'

More hard bop. "Moanin'" from the Art Blakey and the Jazz Messengers album of the same name.

Lee Morgan: trumpet
Benny Golson: tenor saxophone
Bobby Timmons: piano
Jymie Merritt: bass
Art Blakey: drums

Art Blakey was at the epicenter of hard bop, and The Messengers was an ever changing group of top notch players, often moving on to front their own great projects. As far as Blakey himself, not may drummers came close to groovin' the way he did. I've heard a couple of recordings of this tune by other artists. One was almost a carbon copy outside of the solos, but it didn't have "it." If I had heard just the opening piano lick I would have said it was the same recording, but it lacked that underlying, pure groove that only Blakey could give it.

What did the drummer get on his IQ test?

Drool.

Dig This...

My friend Sara has a playlist from playlist.com on her blog, and I thought that might be a great way to showcase some music that I wanted to share. I started to create one of my own, but decided I would take a different route. Instead I am going to post music now and then in individual posts.

First up, a little hard bop, Wayne Shorter's "Witch Hunt" from "Speak No Evil."



Freddie Hubbard: trumpet
Wayne Shorter: tenor saxophone
Herbie Hancock: piano
Ron Carter: bass
Elvin Jones: drums

This is a great album, and I really dig the melody in this tune in particular. If you would like to pick this one up, I recommend yourmusic.com. All CDs are $6.99, including shipping, and they have a great selection of jazz albums.

What I Did On My Vacation. Part One.

Yesterday at 4:05 PM I walked out of Building C, and started my first extended bit of time off since starting my new job. Extended being more than one day. I had gotten two emails from Krista earlier in the day, one telling me to get beer, and the other stating that Elsa was ill. A sick child is not the way one generally wants to start their vacation.

Come to think of it, neither is not having beer, but fetching beer on a motorcycle when you haven't planned ahead isn't the easiest thing to do. So, vacation started with two marks against me.

When I got home, Elsa had a fever between 103 and 104. I sat with her for a while, and napped. We finally got her to eat something, and off to bed.

Krista and I settled in and started watching The Darjeeling Limited. About thirty minutes in, I heard Elsa moaning, and I went in to check on her. She grabbed ahold of me, and I brought her out to the living room to sit with me for a while. About four seconds after sitting down, with her facing me, she threw-up. Then she did it again. And again. Two meals worth.

After getting Elsa cleaned up, and my shower to wash the chunks out of my chest hair, we finished the movie. My least favorite Wes Anderson so far, but that is still pretty good.

This morning when I got Elsa up her fever was pretty much gone, and she was in a much better mood. I asked her if she remembered getting sick last night, and she laughed as she said "Yes, on your shirt."

Dancin' Fool II

She Kicked My Ass Again...

Yes, I am still here

But I've been busy, what with having just graduating from Wartburg and all...

(Click on the image for full size)

Tambourines and Elephants

I'm sitting here tonight playing poker, and listening to CCR Chronicle Vol.1 on headphones. Man, them's some nicely produced/engineered records.

A Photo Blog of Her Own

For her birthday, we gave Elsa a cheap (like, really cheap) digital camera. Krista has started a blog to share some of the results. I present to you Elsa's View.

Catching Up

I'm getting there...

Something that Doesn't Get on My Nerves

The other day on The Current's Morning Show (OK, that does get on my nerves), they played this:



I may have posted this before, but if I did, it's good enough to do again.

Meanwhile, Back at the Bat Cave

I really have been taking a photo every day. Really. Sometimes several. I'll get them posted soon. Really. Like Monday. Really.

Are you effin' serious?

I hate WikiHow's "How to of the Day."

Here is the "How To" that was on my Google home page today.

How To Visit a Microbrewery.

Step 1. Locate a microbrewery
Step 2. Find out when it is open
Step 3. Enter
Step 4. Find an employee
Step 5. Take a tour if they give them
Step 6. STFU.

Do people seriously sit around and think "Oh, I should write an article on how not to wear-out flip-flops, I bet there are thousands of people agonizing over that. It is my duty to help."

Maybe I'm even more of a misanthrope than I thought; maybe people really do find this crap useful.

Missing Time...

Somehow I forgot to post the photo for February 4. It is now up, as well as a photo for January 4.

Updated

Well, I finally got around to posting almost two weeks worth the photos on 366. I'll try to stay more on top of the posting.

Dancin' Fool

I Need XM Radio in My Car

I can't handle radio morning shows. The Current plays some pretty good music, but the hosts of that show make me want to stick sharp objects in my eyes.

'cause I ain't got enough going on already...

So, I started another blog. I am such an idiot.